Word combinations like arctic breeze, aqua reef, and summer rain when used to describe scented products.

An arctic breeze probably smells better than anything on earth. And though I haven’t sniffed one (yet), I still know that an arctic breeze doesn’t smell anything like whatever came out of that scented do-dad on the wall.

Aqua reef? What the hell does a reef smell like? I’ll give you a hint. It smells like nothing to humans because we can’t smell things underwater. If you try to smell, it just burns like salt water. Unless you’re marketing deodorant to sharks, it’s kind of silly.

Ah yes, summer rain. This is one of the best smells. The one you breathe in after chasing your friends in circles across the grass during a thunderstorm. When you don’t care about getting wet.

“Summer rain” body wash doesn’t smell like that. It smells like chemicals.

This is an insult to the real summer rain.

People of the world, I exhort you to go out and smell real lavender, aloe, cucumber, apple cider, cinammon, vanilla, honeydew melon, sea breeze, strawberry, and an Irish spring if you’re headed that way. Do it before it’s too late.