The fight of the century! In this corner, the disgraced former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer! And in this corner, the soon-to-be former governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford! I’m sure the bloggers are going to be out in force comparing these two for any host of reasons, so I figured I’d get a leg up on the landscape and offer my own thoughts. Sure, these sex scandals are similar, but there are a few important differences.

One is how the scandal plays out in the imagination. Sanford’s not a bad looking fella. Spitzer is. When I visualize Sanford’s scandal going down, I’m picturing him with that Spanish Bond girl from “Casino Royale” on some sun-swept Argentinian beach. When I visualize Spitzer’s scandal, it looks more like bad gonzo porn. A balding guy twice the girl’s age, a girl who’s not really into it...and hiked-up argyle socks.

Then there’s the ethical difference. Spitzer paid a call girl for sex. Sanford had unpaid consensual sex with someone he’d known for years. Granted they’re both hypocrites because they had campaigned against the activity they eventually exploited themselves, but Spitzer broke the law. Sanford screwed around legally and will probably just end up with the dead marriage and dead career.

I think the one thing to take away from both of these stories is that most politicians are no better than we are when it comes to their personal lives. A lot of us are at least prone to fantasizing about others, maybe flirting with people not our spouses, and even going the full nine in someone else’s pants...so to speak. Yet we still expect politicians to conduct themselves differently than us when it comes to their sex lives. But my question is, should they?

Well, I don’t purport to represent the norm, but I personally don’t care what a politician does in his bedroom so long as he doesn’t care what I do in mine. He or she can screw, spank, and spoon as much as wanted. I’m not saying I condone cheating on your partner or diaper play (David Vitter). But I’m much more concerned with politicians using the legislative process to screw me OVER for someone else’s benefit, not literally screwing someone for their own.

So, Mark and Eliot, you messed up. It’s your problem, not mine. But come on, quit barking about sex when you can’t keep your penis behind the line you’ve drawn for the rest of us.